I don't attain enlightenment. I do enlightenment .

I haven't posted anything I've written in a while, because nothing I've written in a while has been any good.

Here are a couple lyrics I've written in the past week or so. The second one definitely needs some cliches and meter problems worked out of it, but I'm posting them because both lay out some concepts that I've struggled to put into words before.

Part of the reason is just that I'm always all mixed-up and indecisive like I am, but also part of it is that these are things I don't really want to say, or sometimes even think. The last poem I published (Gumbo Ya-Ya) was like that, and I know I spoke to a few people about why it bothered me to share the poem.

But at the same time, I guess, it's just poetry. And it doesn't have to mean as much to the reader as it does to the writer, and I'm okay with that.

So, ignore the second one if you like, because as I said, that's a major work in progress, but if you wanna read through these, I'd really appreciate your honest reaction. The first relates more to myself, and the second relates more to the people I share experiences with.

And if you must try to decipher their real meanings, at least realize that I'm using a lot of metaphors and symbolism that you'll probably overlook.

Thanks,
Christine

PS- I still wouldn't mind finding someone who could put some of this stuff to music. I mean, it's not a major goal of mine, but if you're interested in songwriting at all, maybe we can talk.

----
Mu-chu-setsu-mu
(Preaching a dream within a dream)

I didn't get my sleep last night
for the sake of the man who
tells me what I can't do.
I'm wide awake, but dreaming
that the crazy shit I've been through
will somehow help me get to
a place I've never heard of
where the walls have crumbled down
and there are flowers in their place
and I can see for miles and miles
that I've got a clean slate.

I didn't get much sleep last night
for the sake of a child
who couldn't help but cry
when the daylight fell away.
But I'm too tired to hold the thing
and I don't think she'd like me anyway.

Oh I've so lost control
But I just
I just don't let go
And I know what I should try
But I didn't get my sleep last night

I haven't had a drink tonight
but I'm honestly not sober:
drunk on thinking it all over.
I'm wide awake but dreaming
that the crazy shit I live through
is blocking what I should do.

Like I'd wash my hands
in a place I've never heard of
a place I'll never make
because I'm wide awake but dreaming
that I've got a clean slate
in a place I've never heard of
where birdsong drowns the clink of shattered fates
and I can see for miles and miles
that I'm

Well, I'm really not awake.

--

Doing Zazen with a Hangover

All my friends in rehab have the same face
Some of them keep talking like my mom
I always had my name spelled out in lower case
So I could keep them from saying it wrong

Well there's a light in their faces
So their blood must be warm
and I see bones in their fingers
so their grip must be strong
Even if somebody told be
They'd been blitzed all along
I think they'll turn out right
in the long run

All my friends in rehab walk the same pace
Like a schoolboy doesn't wanna leave his mom
Keeping their candy hidden in a painted vase
They're sleeping with their socks left on

Well my teacher had to tell me
how she let the garden die
when she found out that the flowers
had their petals up too high
and now she thinks she's got the lens
from the right dharma eye
because she started seeing
a new guy

All my friends in rehab got my number
one of them might call me next week
but my ringtone always sounds to me like thunder
God I choke, when I want to speak

So I guess I'll never tell you I admire you
Though I know you've got the potential to be a drag
I think I'll even keep this rattling bottle for you
while all our friends from rehab pack their bags